capital h !
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i won't lie to you: most of my posts on here will be reblogs or pictures of patrick stump. usually both.
i've read about the afterlife, but i've never really lived.
i literally don’t know what to do. i hate my school and i have no friends and i cry like every day and no one in my family believes me or understands me and i just know they won’t let me switch because we can’t afford it and my reasons are “stupid~”
yeah, i want to switch schools because i have no friends. i want to be closer to jonathan because he’s the only person that makes me even remotely happy.
why is that such a bad thing?
why is it bad for me to be happy? why is it bad for me to miss my friends? jonathan and kathleen and rachel and chelsea and i don’t even care that i’m using their real names who gives a fuck? they’re not variables, they’re people.
i miss him so much it hurts. fuck. fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck i hate this. i don’t know what to do with myself and i forget how to function and i’m always distracted and it’s scary. i almost hit someone with my car last week.
awesome. this is super safe.
i don’t know what i want to do with my life. i just want to be able to make enough money to support a family and i want to be happy.
h a p p y
why is this so hard for me?
i came here for all the wrong reasons - but i guess i didn’t really have any right reasons for anything else. i wanted chicago, i wanted freedom, i wanted a new life and i wanted to change. that didn’t happen. they wouldn’t let me. i decided i didn’t care where i ended up so i just went where they wanted me to go. i’m a legacy kid and it sucks. that’s part of the reason it’s going to be almost impossible for me to leave. they tried to get me to go here for like my entire life and i always said no no no but they won - like i’m sure they knew they would - and now they’re never going to let me leave. i’m going to end up a failure just like the rest of my generation.
the robertsons are the only ones that know how to raise their kids right, apparently.
i can’t do this. i don’t know how to do this anymore.
but i have to.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
i just want to be done with this, i want to be out of here. the only thing i can ever think of to say is that i want to go home, but i don’t even have that anymore.
my home is just a house full of boxes and no people - my parents live out of a suitcase. i guess this room should feel like home to me by now but it doesn’t and i don’t think it ever will. the only place i want to be is where jonathan is but i can’t be there right now and i hate it.
i never thought college would hurt this much.
